The utter disappointment that gripped me was not entirely a surprise. Yes, I saw it coming- or, at least, I figured it could happen - be one of multiple possibilities.
And yes, I knew if that singular outcome were to transpire I would be hurt.
But goddamnit if I wasn't hoping with all the wretched, paltry scraps of dignity and belief left of me that you wouldn't break my heart.
Again.
And that really about sums it up, don't you think? Again. Is it not sad that I keep hoping? That I keep pressuring myself into these delusions, only to, in eventuality, be disappointed?
Yes. Yes it is.
When an opportunity presents itself to me, promising happiness, I'll take it. It just so happens, that opportunity often comes in the form of...well, you. And by now I should know better.
And by then, I should as well.
But I can't stop yet. No, not yet. Because it will never really be over for me. Or at least, I cannot picture in my head a future situation where that will be so - not that it may never happen.
This will continue. This pathetic self-inflicted trampelling of my heart, until one day it stops.
Until, some day, you say yes.
Or you say no.
Again.
Until I get my shit together.

The utter disappointment that gripped me was not entirely a surprise. Yes, I saw it coming- or, at least, I figured it could happen - be one of multiple possibilities.
And yes, I knew if that singular outcome were to transpire I would be hurt.
But goddamnit if I wasn't hoping with all the wretched, paltry scraps of dignity and belief left of me that you wouldn't break my heart.
Again.
And that really about sums it up, don't you think? Again. Is it not sad that I keep hoping? That I keep pressuring myself into these delusions, only to, in eventuality, be disappointed?
Yes. Yes it is.
When an opportunity presents itself to me, promising happiness, I'll take it. It just so happens, that opportunity often comes in the form of...well, you. And by now I should know better.
And by then, I should as well.
But I can't stop yet. No, not yet. Because it will never really be over for me. Or at least, I cannot picture in my head a future situation where that will be so - not that it may never happen.
This will continue. This pathetic self-inflicted trampelling of my heart, until one day it stops.
Until, some day, you say yes.
Or you say no.
Again.
Until I get my shit together.